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I used to believe that the very best thing in the world was having mind-blowing sex, let me tell you I’ve recently wised the fuck up!
Today, I realize that the absolutely best thing in the whole wide world to me, is to truly love yourself to the point of living your life with authenticity, truth, dignity, purpose and with passion set ablaze.
Amazing sex is a momentary escape from reality, especially when you do it with someone you care about, better yet with someone you love and who loves you back.
Passionate lovemaking feels unlike anything else but it is something that doesn’t last, unlike really loving yourself. To really love yourself, means that you can feel pure, unadulterated love every second of every day, if you are wise and dedicated enough.
You may have some good days and some bad days but the love you feel for yourself should never disappear. The level that you love yourself may fade or be neglected at times, we are human, but you should be able to recognize this better and then jump back in getting your priorities lined up and pointed towards you correctly again.
I’ll take permanence over a temporary fleeting high any day of the week.
I used to have this ravenous appetite for my life, an extremely healthy self-esteem and an elevated confidence in myself. Somewhere over the years, I stopped taking risks, I’d made very bad choices in who I got into long-term relationships with and all of this in turn affected how much I loved myself. I lost myself and expected someone else to love me completely when I didn’t love me. How stupid of me!
Moving back to the subject at hand, I feel that although both sex and loving yourself can feel selfless or selfish, I think there is a definite advantage in having power and total control over acceptance and fulfillment in yourself.
In sex you give away power to someone else when you are at your most vulnerable place. You trust that they will not abuse it or you.
In loving yourself you are the only one in charge. You choose what makes you feel loved. You do things that encourage self-care and preservation. It’s a wonderful thing to have that power over yourself. No one else is allowed inside, it’s all about you and what you need to be complete, whole and a healthy person, individually.
Being on a penis embargo for almost a year now by my own choice, I’ve seen that this break has done amazing things for me. It has helped me put things into crystal clear perspective, I’ve gotten time to really think about and work on my priorities and most of all I’ve stopped being in denial. I used to put other people’s needs and desires ahead of me. Their needs were more important than my own. I thought that was how you were supposed to really show someone love is to be totally selfless. Man was I lost and completely messed up thinking this!
Being an Empath, like I am, it can get you into scolding hot water when it comes to romantic relationships. If you aren’t familiar with the term ‘Empath’ please google it.
I have been in multiple relationships over my adult life that weren’t healthy for me. I’ve chosen to love Narcissists. I should have stayed the hell away from each one of them but I didn’t know better, at the time. There were red flags, bad feelings in my gut happening and whistles going off, but I ignorantly acted like they didn’t mean anything and that they were something that I shouldn’t pay attention to as an important signal.
I knowingly ignored my internally driven intuition.
Over years of having toxic relationships with men, I had learned to push down my feelings and numb myself by hurting and neglecting myself. I stopped loving myself and I ended up paying the price dearly in many ways.
Checking myself into the best eating disorder treatment center in the world, Oliver Pyatt in Miami, was the first major step in the right direction for me. I stopped being in denial, I took ownership over my life and my choices and this is where I opened myself back up to learning how to love myself again.
Almost one year later, after being done with the treatment program, I now understand the importance of having a healthy love of oneself, a high self-esteem and sense of self worth. I know what it really like to take pride in yourself and not look to anyone else to make you feel complete or loved.
Above all else, I don’t mind being on my own and going along my life with just myself. I’m pretty great company. And I am actually enjoying learning how to love myself again, the way I have needed to and expected others to help fill a void within me or wanted for them to put in the work that I wasn’t willing to do on myself. That’s over. Just like a caterpillar makes a protective shell around itself with a cocoon, a better me is emerging. I’m putting in the time and energy to find out how to love myself first above anyone else.
This life that I get to live is a million times better than living a fake, insincere life without really loving myself fully!
Life is too short to not put yourself and you’re heart before anyone else’s, even your kids, if you have any. I know it’s a very hard thing to do but think about this, when you pass away, does anyone else? Live a life that matters to you and make your heart sing because we all deserve to live the best, most fulfilling life where we are our own best friend first before anyone else.