Love is NOT a Game, So Don’t Play Around With People’s Emotions
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If you are like me, when I was growing up I watched to many romance movies and read stupid books like Danielle Steele romance novels. Hollywood portrays love as a fairy-tale or as an amazing dream where women need to be rescued, where they need to be swept off their feet and get married to their “prince” or as a “knight in shiny armor.”
This fucked me up for many years because I thought that love was this magical, amazing thing that you would do anything for.
I was a late bloomer come to find out because I had just a few boyfriends in high school, I didn’t put out and I waited to give up my virginity to a man that I felt pressured to marry after we started having sex. (My son’s father)
I always respected myself and still have high morals, ethics and values today, so much so that I’ve been told that I should have been religious or a nun.
While kids in high school were partying, drinking, drugging and having sex, I was playing sports, having fun in class that I enjoyed like English and P.E. and with my girl friends and didn’t give into peer pressure. I respected myself and my body a lot and was proud to be “a good girl.”
I used to enjoy being in a romantic relationship with a man and over the course of a few decades I got smarter on how a realistic relationship works in the real world. Fucking Hollywood, Disney cartoons and romance novels!
I never believed in playing games with people or their emotions, I hurt people sometimes with my brutal honesty and I respected my body so much that I’m proud to say that I’ve never had a one-night stand.
In the past, I would date because I wanted a partner and a long-term relationship. I was a single Mom in my mid 20’s until I turned 42, so it was difficult for me to date men, especially ones that didn’t have any children of their own.
This reminds me of a guy I dated named Richard, we found each other on Match.com. He was the best looking man that I had dated and he had an amazing body too. Plus, he drove a Ferrari.
When we met on our first date, he looked handsome, confident and playful. The date was easy and fun and the conversation was lite, until I asked him “So, where are you in your life right now?” He said that he had just gotten divorced (later I found out that this was a lie, he was separated) and was starting to date again (he turned out to be a man whore and was dating and sleeping with as many women as possible when I met him.) Then as we finished out meal, he smiled and asked if I wanted to go for a drive in his hot, red Ferrari. I felt safe with him even though I’d only known him for an hour and said “Sure why the fuck not!”
It was like I was in a movie, as we speed around corners, I felt exhilarated and the power that the fancy car put out was a major turn on. We flew past corners on Chuckanut Drive ( a dangerous two-lane road with lots of switchbacks, curves, blind corners and rocky cliffs overhead.
After driving around for what seemed like a few hours, he asked if I wanted to drive his fancy sports car. He didn’t have to ask me twice, when he pulled over I raced out of the passenger seat and around the hot rod to the driver’s side. As I slide in, I immediately felt powerful and special.
We were on a country road so I had to speed and before I knew it my turn was over. I was dropped off at the spot where we met, exchanged phone numbers and then dated for the next month.
During this time, I saw some major red flags, like he kept getting weird phone calls from women that wanted to speak to him but he didn’t want to speak to them, so he’d ask me to say out loud “Come on Richard, we need to go!” He thought that would get him off of the phone. When I asked him what that was all about he said it was from women that he used to date and wasn’t interested in them, but they kept calling and bugging him.
He was playing with not only my emotions but also all of the other women he was screwing around with. I thought that once we started dating regularly that he was just dating me exclusively because I told him that’s what I expected, but that wasn’t what he wanted.
Very quickly, I saw through his bullshit and found out that he was separated, he had a few kids, he wasn’t paying child support, he was doing cocaine (which is a HUGE no-no for me to date anyone that does drugs) and was sleeping around with who knows how many other women. He was a man whore!
I kicked his ass to the curb because no one plays around with my love, it’s not a game and emotionally I don’t have time or room for people that misbehave, treat others poorly, use others, lie and well you get the picture.
I saw him a year later with some woman and a baby, looking sad. He acted like he didn’t see or know me, which is his loss and he went down in my record book for being the worst type of people to try to have a relationship with. I’m glad I got out early and I learned a lot from my time spent with him. I feel sorry for his kids because he is a shitty role model and terrible example of what a real man is, does and how they act.
And I’ve also struggled with having different times in my life where I would get low self-esteem in my late 20’s and into my late 30’s, shit I still have issues with it, but I am so much more aware and accepting. I also, am not interested in dating anyone, not right now and hopefully not for long awhile.
I say the above because I didn’t pick the best men to be in a relationship with. Most of my relationships with people that I’ve dated or lived with or been married to, have had domestic violence in them.
Thankfully, I got out of all of the abusive, destructive and unhealthy relationships. I don’t want this cycle to continue, so I am purposefully stepping back. I am focusing on myself and building myself back up, so that if somewhere down the road, years from now, I meet someone special. They will have big shoes to fill to be able to stand next to me and to be in my life.
I’m done settling and worrying about what other people think. I am interested in making myself happy and being okay on my own. I want to thrive not just survive or exist. I also want to evolve and be around people that bring me up, not men that tear me down or abuse me.
Don’t get caught up in movies, magazines, songs, books or advertisements that are trying to make you believe what they want to about love and relationships. Most media sources have their own agenda and they are motivated to make money, save your time and you dollars and don’t support companies that mislead you or tell a story that’s not based on real life or reality.
Respect your body, mind and soul so much that you don’t do anything to hurt yourself.
Put yourself out their with people and date around if you are single, but don’t mess around with people’s emotions, play games with their head and hearts or try to selfishly get what you want from other people.
It’s so much better when you find yourself in a loving, caring, healthy relationship with someone that respects and values you and shows you this by how they treat you, not by what they say or what they buy for you.
And it’s totally ok to be alone, to be single and not want to date or have a relationship especially if you have some work to do on yourself or if you aren’t in a position to bring all of yourself, a healthy you and someone that is secure and stable in their own life.
If you feel like you need to be rescued, well then figure out how to rescue yourself. That way you will attract healthier people into your life because they see your light and that you radiate good things.