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Most of my adult relationships and marriages have been riddled with domestic violence and abuse.
It’s strange because I didn’t witness this between my parents when I was growing up but in the last 20+ years, I’ve been fighting it on and off.
I get that we attract people into our lives by the energy we put off, the way we carry ourselves, how we feel and talk about ourselves and more.
Since most of my adult life, I’ve felt dependent, not fully capable or competent as an individual, these qualities have attracted users and abusers. I get this all!
Co-dependency has also played a BIG role in my romantic relationships.
I don’t see myself as a victim because I have chosen these people and to have relationships with them. I see how I suffered from low self-esteem and self-worth (because of some decisions I made in my past). I was so desperate to have stability and a healthy relationship that I constantly put myself in jeopardy. I didn’t deserve to be abused, taken advantage of and mistreated by anyone that I’ve cared about in my life.
The focus now is that I’ve put an end to all of these things and not let them continue. I’ve removed myself from harmful, damaging relationships and can see now just how bad they were for my overall well-being.
Thankfully, I am making much better decisions now!
I have been able to overcome a lot and have gotten myself out of toxic relationships. I’m scrappy, a fighter and a SURVIVOR. Now my goal is to just be ok being alone! I don’t want any kind of relationships, other than friendships (without benefits!).
Sadly, I have exposed my son to domestic violence because I was a single-parent while he was growing up. Thankfully, when he turned 18 years old he soon after left the house to start his own life and a journey of happiness, peace and wellness. I’m so proud of how smart my son, Nick is because he knew what was going on in our lives, especially these last few years. And he chose to get away from it!
Currently, he lives on Maui and is a healthy, productive, independent young man that’s making his way in the world. He is living in a dream location that truly is paradise.
I know deep down the reasons why he lives so far away and I totally understand that he had to get some distance from everything. I honestly, couldn’t be more supportive or proud of the man that he is today! He’s an all around great person and a wonderful example 🧘🏼♂️
Now, it’s my time to shine! In the last year, I’ve had to learn how to put myself and my needs first when faced with the most difficult circumstances. It will take time, careful planning and consistency in working towards a life that I love and am proud of too!
If my now 19 year old son can do it, I sure as HELL can do it too! 🏄♀️